davethefish1
11-01-2009, 09:18 PM
New Hurricane Catagories ...
Category 1: "Wussy." Street signs blow over, bushes and shrubs are damaged,
house cats meow slightly more loudly.
Planning: Plan for these storms by duct taping your shrubs, kicking the
cat, and shaking your fist triumphantly at Mother Nature for throwing such
a weak-azz storm at you.
Category 2: "Mildly Alarming." Houses moan, some of the sicker looking
trees may fall over, shingles blow off, small children complain.
Planning: duct tape all the sick trees you may have on your property, as
well as duct taping X-es on your windows. This lets the wind know not to
blow the glass in. Purchase bottled water, before everyone else snaps it
up.
Category 3: "Deeply Frightening. " Houses collapse, mobile homes cease to
exist in any normal functioning sense of the word, dogs fart explosively,
healthy trees surrender.
Planning: duct tape everything on your property, including the dog. Buy
plywood and nail it over the windows-- after first duct taping X-es over
the glass. Purchase bottled water and bleach. This is so if it looks like
you're going to die, you can add the bleach to the water and drink it.
Category 4: "Holy Moly." Buildings fall, cars fly through the air, walls
bleed, large sea mammals are carried several miles inland, entire regions
disappear completely.
Planning: Cover your entire house with duct tape X-es to try and fool the
hurricane into thinking the whole place is a gigantic window. Nail as much
wood as you can find to the outside of the duct tape. Lock yourself and
your family and your farting dog in the basement with the bottled water and
bleach, and maybe some canned goods, a portable generator, and a gun to
ward off looters in the apocalyptic aftermath that is sure to follow.
Category 5: "The End Of The World." All trace of humanity is picked up
several yards into the air and converted into bite-sized pieces, the
Biblical leviathan surfaces from the depths, hell rises up and swallows
mankind whole.
Planning: Screw the duct tape. Get into the basement and make peace with
God. (http://jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=7864)
Category 1: "Wussy." Street signs blow over, bushes and shrubs are damaged,
house cats meow slightly more loudly.
Planning: Plan for these storms by duct taping your shrubs, kicking the
cat, and shaking your fist triumphantly at Mother Nature for throwing such
a weak-azz storm at you.
Category 2: "Mildly Alarming." Houses moan, some of the sicker looking
trees may fall over, shingles blow off, small children complain.
Planning: duct tape all the sick trees you may have on your property, as
well as duct taping X-es on your windows. This lets the wind know not to
blow the glass in. Purchase bottled water, before everyone else snaps it
up.
Category 3: "Deeply Frightening. " Houses collapse, mobile homes cease to
exist in any normal functioning sense of the word, dogs fart explosively,
healthy trees surrender.
Planning: duct tape everything on your property, including the dog. Buy
plywood and nail it over the windows-- after first duct taping X-es over
the glass. Purchase bottled water and bleach. This is so if it looks like
you're going to die, you can add the bleach to the water and drink it.
Category 4: "Holy Moly." Buildings fall, cars fly through the air, walls
bleed, large sea mammals are carried several miles inland, entire regions
disappear completely.
Planning: Cover your entire house with duct tape X-es to try and fool the
hurricane into thinking the whole place is a gigantic window. Nail as much
wood as you can find to the outside of the duct tape. Lock yourself and
your family and your farting dog in the basement with the bottled water and
bleach, and maybe some canned goods, a portable generator, and a gun to
ward off looters in the apocalyptic aftermath that is sure to follow.
Category 5: "The End Of The World." All trace of humanity is picked up
several yards into the air and converted into bite-sized pieces, the
Biblical leviathan surfaces from the depths, hell rises up and swallows
mankind whole.
Planning: Screw the duct tape. Get into the basement and make peace with
God. (http://jollygoodjokes.com/ver2008_joke.asp?at_num=7864)