Am I asking for to much
 

My brother who is 28 has been living in my home for 2 months. He has no job and no ambition. Me and my wife work full time and attend Mcneese. We have 2 small kids and they also keep us very busy. I asked my brother to help out arround the house. I asked him to do things like wash towels take out the garbage and put the dishes in the dishwasher. I have been paying his insurance and have paid for him to get a twic card so he can go find some work. He has done absolutely nothing. I told him sun that if something did not change he was going to be out on the street. Am I being the ******* here. He still has done nothing but sleep till five in the afternoon then leaves.he does not return till like 3 in the am. Should I just go ahead and run him off. Dude has cost me over 500 bucks in the past month. Not sure when he will even pay us back. What would you guys do.

i'd light a fire under his azz and let him know that this is what you want him to do. Thats nothing (what you ask of him) if he lives there and dont pay rent.

tough love my man... you are just an enabler allowing him to continue a lifestyle that has now become detrimental to you and him.

I have one of those in my family also . . . tough love X2

sounds to me like he may be on drugs or have a drinking problem if he sleeps till 5 and stays out till 3-4 every morning. if that the case i wouldnt want that around my kids ( if i had kids) , or my house. imo i work way to hard to give someone something for free ....if someone on the street askes me for a dollar or change i tell em to get lost and get a job ......i pay my taxes and pay for enough people to sit around like a democrat, i sure as hell dont need aany more . i would set boundries with yer bro ask him what his deal is if you dont like the answer give him the boot if you feel like he is being sincere make him sign a agreement to show you are not playing .....put his arse on probation lol

x 2...;)

hes gotta go jason, youve let him stay longer than i would have.

tell him if he wants to act like a "brotha" then he can go live with some

You and I have had this conversation before, Its time for him to GO! :pissed: He found your house when he was looking for a place to stay, he can always find someone else's house when you put him out. The cycle has to be broken, it might as well be by you. The sooner it happens the better off everyone involved will be. I know its hard but it will be for the best.

Damn,,,,, your too nice bro.... My Brother use to be that way.....He ask to move in with me and I told him sure..,$600 a month paid by the 5th of every month.... He told me I can't afford that... I told him ok...ill pay the 600... You pay the rest of the Bills... That 600 sounded cheap then,,,but he never move in to say the least,,,,, Get a Job and Pay rent,,,, or live in a box!!!!!!!! No other way

imo...if he wants help then help him, if he doesnt want help then you cant help him, sounds like stated above...drugs, alch., or just lazy...let him help himself or put him out...hes not at rock bottom YET.....MY 2 CENTS.

I'm the same way as these guys. Not too tolerable of individuals that don't wanna help themselves. There are opportunities out there, whether he may like them or not. I'm sure you would have no problem helping him if he at least tried to help himself.

i'm 28 and i wouldn't know what to do with myself if i had to depend on a family member ....... he needs a wake up call ..... introduce him to the real world .... imo!

I'm all for helping someone that's trying .
My son just got the words from me a week or so ago, Get a job , go back to school or get out. 3 options and ya got 30 days.

It is honorable that you want to help your brother , but there comes a point and time when you are actually hurting him more by making him more irresponsible. Not trying to be funny or anything but , leave this page up on your screen and ask him to get something off your desk...I forgot to add, you are a much better person than I am...

I think the advise given here is all the same! And it is all pointing to you having to do what is necessary to make a change. Either in his lifestyle or a change to get your lifestyle back to normal. Either way a change is needed, so just do it already.

I can feel your frustration, and I have never been put in your shoes putting a family member out. But, looks to me deep down inside you already know what needs to be done, and are looking for a blessing from your friends - us guys here at SC. Well, no blessing is needed and you will not be the bad guy for doing what is right for all parties involved! Especially your own family.

she single ??? :rotfl:

Ok, this situation is a catch 22... u wanna help the person out bc they are family. but you dont want to enable his behavior. Addicts are master manipulators. It is one thing to let family crash in times of crisis and another to keep them sheltered from the real world. Sounds like this kid is manipulating the situation. Don't ever expect to get that money back first of all. Family borrowed money is family kept money. Siblings are manipulative especially when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Typically, when asked about prior money borrowing an addict/alcoholic will make up excuses as to why they dont have the money... "i will have it next week" slogan. Sometimes you have to "let go." Families hate to let go, well bc its family and they always wanna protect. It usually takes a spiritual awakening or an unseen event (jail, institution, rehab) to change the life of these unfortunate. i dont know your situation but either way... YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY>>> NOT HIM

Thanks for the help. He does not drink or do drugs. His addiction is gambling. It's just as bad as drugs. I just stoped at my house on my way to class. Yup he is still sleeping. Once again thanks for the help. Btw salty I'm with you. I don't think I could toss my Lil girl out. My boy is a diff story.lol.

x100

I was put in this situation by my brother years ago. I offered help and he rejected it. He ended up overdosing shortly afterwards. To this day I consider it one of the hardest things I have done, and sometimes still consider it a mistake. However, there was nothing more that I could have done. I have struggled with that decision for years.
It is easy to say that you have to put him out, it is harder to do it, especially if something happens.

I don't know your brother or you for that matter, don't know if drugs are his problem. If they are, and he is an addict, you need profesional help, don't try to do it on your own. I made that mistake.

is she the other color ?

That's just wrong bro. *****.

Gambling, Drugs, they are one in the same.

kick him out before the ol lady kicks ya both out.....LOL

print out map to nearest homeless shelter

I just meant in a vague description... an addict is an addict. take away one addiction and they will find another. I dont know the story, just wanted to tell you my experience with it. I used to get the whole "its not hurting you soo why do you care" bit... in fact it does hurt everyone. Rationalization, denial, diversion, simplification, justification, blame... they are all toxic and seem to be the trend for people who need help outside of themselves. Until someone can come to the realization that they can not fix their own problems, things will never change. They have to realize that the other person is not the problem. In fact, they are usually the ones who create these problems for themselves. Whether its gambling or drugs, people look for something outside themselves to feel good.

yessa massa

One of the best things that happened to me is when my mother kicked me to the curb at 20. I dropped out of college, was not working, just hunted and fished and slept on the couch and drank. I must have been a real POS for my mom to do that. Went and lived with my grandparents and went to work and finally got back in school. Its pretty cool not having to be responsible until you run out of money:eek:

Sit his azz down and tell him the deal, he has x amount of time at your house and he must find somewhere else. I promise you that our wife is not happy with you right now, its cool for a little while, but gotta go

I have some nice cardboard boxes at my office I would be glad to donate, easy to keep clean and he can sleep as long as he wants too, Man to Man tough love is your only option. Your marriage and kids are the only one's that will suffer, if you don't give your brother an ultimatum.

How does he get money to gamble?

This is real simple......... Rents due on the 1st of each month......He is late right now!! So eviction

He is prob not doing a buch of gambling now. He has friends that take him to the casinos and if he wins they split the money. He plays poker. Btw his last job was at cashatta in Kender. He would gamble his tips after work.

Tell him he has X amount of time to find a place but until then he has to leave when y'all leave and can't come back until after 5. Take his key and hope that forces him to find a job during the day... It worked for my buddy that was on my couch. Didn't last long either, I think 1 week

sounds like some bill w stuff if u ask me

Lock him out of the house if he is not in by 10 pm.
Tell him his job is to cut the grass, take out the garbage, do his own laundry and make sure there are no dirty dishes before he goes to bed.
If he don't work, he would have to take care of the things you guys normaly do at home. He has plenty of time if he doesn't work.
No money or work, no bed.

when everyone leaves in the morn and hes still sleeping cut the breaker off to the ac and put a lock on the breaker panel. i bet he wont sleep long and may get up and do something productive. if its hard for u just to say hey get out just do things to show him youre tired of the bs

Sounds like he's going to stay there as long as you let him. You gotta put your wife and kids first. They are your priority. There's no doubt you love your brother, but I"m pretty sure the wife isn't too happy about the situation. You know the ol saying... "If Momma ain't happy.... no one's getting laid", or something like that...

Close enough

don't have time to read previous comments, but first definitely make him help out by maybe making a list and making sure he does it. Tell him that as long as he is living there he does all the lawn work, washes vehicles, and so on. I'd make his arse pay for himself.

I know its your brother and I could never kick my brother out the house, but I'd definitely have to TELL him to help out or get out.

Goodluck to y'all both man

I've never gone more than 3 weeks w/o having a Job since I graduated High School. and its pretty easy to find a $10+/hour Job if your not in school have a vehicle and you want to work. Don't take any excuses, Your Brother can make something happen as far as a job and shelter if he really cared to.

tell him he's gambling with his place to stay and the house ALWAYS wins.. if he don't get a job...or do the things you ask...maybe he will understand that...

I just left my house and he is still sleeping.I actually gave him an ultimatum sun. I told him If I did not see a change he was gone Friday. Looks like he is going to make me go through with it. I'm going to cancel his car insurance and he will need to be gone when I get off of work Friday. Me and my wife talked about this last night. Her biggest problem is he lies to her. Damn this makes me feel like ****. I gotta do what I gotta do.

Btw thanks for all the advice. I should make him read this post. You guys are awesome.

What do you consider a "change"? To evaluate a person's preformance.....you must have goals that are "measurable". Take out the garbage....is not something that you can measure. Take out the garbage ever day.....this you can measure.

Make a list of things you want him to do each day or week. Tell him do each thing ever day/week...... if you miss one day/week.....you are gone the next day.

Let it be his fault that he got kicked out.

Really feel for you man......

I believe you know the right thing to do here.
You are not doing him any good letting him free load.....it's time.

He has to go.
All you might try is going and paying first and last month rent somewhere.......it he can't make the rent he is out of his own accord.

I'll be praying for you, your family and your brother.

I didnt read the rest of the comments so if someone already said this I apologize. You need to kick him out,if not it will eventually take a toll on your marriage! He is not your problem! Obviously it would be different if he were helping but hes not!

yeah you may feel like **** but now he knows that your seriously wanting him to do something with his life and if he wouldn't get out I'm sure it would start affecting your marriage which would be the last thing you'd want it to affect. I know it took a lot of courage and for that I say, awesome job

Well he made me do it. He is now officially gone. He was pissed but ohh well. Maybe he will get his **** together.

Sucks it had to be that way... but you did the right thing Jason

It took a lot out of you to do such a thing, I am sure. Know that you did what is best for you and the family you chose.;) Situations such as that can put such a strain on a married life.

You don't bite the hand that feeds you..tell him that

Longcast, I fell your pain 100%. I am in the exact situation with my wifes brother who is 23. He was supposed to move in until he got on his feet and that was 2 years ago. He stays in my little boys room and comes home from work in the evenings, takes a shower, then leaves again to return at all different hours. He constantly uses my hunting and fishing stuff and does not take care of it. He pays nothing for rent or groceries but always eats and soaks up the electricity. He offered to take 3 or my deer I had in the freezer quartered up to get processed since he does not pay us anything and I was actually surprised. About 6 weeks go by and I still dont have the meat back and he said it was in a big cooler at the tractor barn where he farms at. I learned not to believe him so called the processor. The processor said he called him over 20 times and finally gave up and gave the meat away in my ice chest. That was the last straw for me. That along with several expensive hunting items was all I could take. He would not answer my phone calls last week so i texted him that if my freezer was not loaded with meat and a new 150 quart ice chest was not at my house by this past Sunday when I got home from the camp he better have his clothes out and not come back. I returned Sunday and there was no meat and ice chest so all his clothes are now in the laundry room and he has not come back. My wife said she feels bad cuz he has no where to go but he has had 2 years to find something and between partying and gamblinghe never has a penny at the end of the month. The only bill he has is a cell phone bill and he doesnt even have a penny saved. I dont feel bad for him at all, i feel disrescpected and angry to have been taken advantage of for so long thinking I was helping somebody but I have learned he is a compulsive liar and obviously has no respect for the people that have tried to help him out.

I know he is your brother but take it from me,the longer you let him stay and get away with things the harder it becomes to take action and make him leave. You are not doing him any favors or teaching him anything though you are probably like me and thinking you are. My hardest part is it was not my brother it was my wifes so i was fighting 2 battles,one with him and one with my wife. I dont mind helping anyone out but when people constantly dont try and help themselves that is when my patience run out.