Dealing With Death
 

Im not sure if this is an appropriate subject on salty cajun.com, but I'm going to try it anyway.

Beings that im on the fire dept, were a relatively close knit group. I have been dealing with some deaths that are "haunting" me recently. I will not elaborate on what happened at these scenes but I cant shake the nervousness feeling when at a scene or weeks after.

Anyone on here deal with deaths and can elaborate on how to deal with them ?

We dont have a chaplain to talk with here and in order to talk with a counselor, our dept has to pay to bring one in.

What do you do to "get over" a death. I know this job might not be for me, but I love what I do.......

Can someone shed some light through either PM or reply on how you get over a death ?

Jordan, I have delt with them as a military member and former EMT. What you are talking about is a form of PTSD. Some of the best help is finding someone to talk to. It can be another member that can relate. We find it is best if they have not had the same experience but one close. They need to listen. A Chaplin is a good start and so is a counselor. A close second is just a friend that will not judge. Know that what you are talking about is not odd or strange and is normal. dealing with this stuff is hard and will take a toll. If you are close to Lake Charles I will sit with you and listen. While not a therapist I do sit and work with a lot of vets. I also seek treatment and I have some issues that have to do with Combat as well as emt issues.

Shane

Go see a priest/deacon/preacher whatever.

Jordan this can get serious. You need to deal with it. Contact some area departments and see if they have someone to talk with. There was a program for peer counseling, don't know how it is going now.

And I don't care if it costs your department. Need to go to the Chief and tell him.

Thank you for the insight shane. I will try out your suggestions.

Jude, I feel like im on the verge (SP?) of blowing a gasket. I have noticed changes in my lifestyle, eating habits, everything. I feel like im a ticking time bomb and can explode at any second and I keep replaying the scenes over and over in my head and I dont know how to "get over it"....

That is why you need to talk to someone. PERIOD.

Is Acadian y'all EMS provider? They may have someone to talk too.

What department are you with again? Rosepine?

PM sent

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Chief is right. You need to talk to someone about it and if the department is hesitant to pay for it, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. If they will not provide the resources to keep their firefighters safe both on and off scene, then this is not a department worth being a part of.... PERIOD. Don't take this the wrong way, but this may not be the right thing for you. People cope differently and some just can't cope. Removing yourself from problem may be the best option. This isn't a career for you. This is a hobby. DO NOT ruin your life over a hobby.

In the years and the deaths I've witnessed since I've been involoved with the local VFD, I've only had one call that has affected me afterwards. I got through it by talking with my brother who was also a firefighter and also talking with my Cheif. We had the resources to consult with, but I chose not to. I learned to purge after calls involving deaths and have became indifferent over the matter. Death is the only certainty in life. I may seem blunt, but this has gotten me through a lot. I'll be more than happy to talk with you if you need to vent. I'll PM you my contact info.

Acadian is our primary EMS provider, correct. I've tried to ask around, but to no avail.

DeRidder Volunteer

Who is the chief now?????

Is he attending the Louisiana Fire Chief's Conference this week in Lake Charles?

Ive talked with other fire dept members, but I just dont seem like they listen or care so to speak. I've spoken with my chief with the same results.

Im not sure what to do at this point..

Im not sure Jude..... I'll ask my current chief about it this evening. Im going to ask him to meet me at the station so we can talk.

I realy appreciate, from the bottom of what heart I have, the help from you fellas. Its amazing to know that someone "out there" cares....

Thank you again for the help and leads.

I sent you a FB invite to the Louisiana State Firemen's Association. I also posted there. Great resource for this stuff.

He is correct same with me being military and losing a few friends in combattalking to friends doesn't help me much b/c they don't understand.

Talking with someone that was in the military is who I talked to.

Find a buddy or someone in your field of work, he or she will understand.

As always someone in salty Cajun is always here to help.

Thank you for the information Haoward.

I have a buddy thats been in war... I will consult in him on this issue. I just get the impression that "friends or buddies" understand where im coming from.

You need to drag up if you can't deal with it.....I was a volunteer fireman years ago and experienced some pretty disturbing things. I really had no desire to fight fires but volunteered just to help out the community. One minute I'm at home working in the yard and the next minute I was responding to a house fire where a mother shot her three babies and set the house on fire. That's when I decided to leave it up to the professionals....They know how to deal with it, I guess.

Not true about the professionals. Everyone will need help at some time or another with it. The smallest thing can trigger it.

I speak from 37 years experience as a volunteer/paid and paid chief.

I do agree with you though, if you can't deal with it, drag up. While the fire service cannot live without volunteers, it is not worth ruining your life over.

Jordan, got several feelers out. I'll get back with you as soon as I hear something.

10-4

thanks Jude and again, thank you everyone else for the responses. I have talked with 2 different people that have responded on this thread and have come to terms that I do, in fact, have a form of PTSD. I told my chief this and will be going to talk with him about this issue after work this evening.

That's good to hear Jordan. Just be upfront and sincere about the issues. A good Chief will walk through Hell to help his men out.

Bro hugs , more hugs, and big hugs. All I can or say.

Thanks rat dog

Things to remember, 100% of combat vets, 100% of police offices and 100% of firefighters, 100% of EMS have or will have PTSD if they do the job long enough. Please do not look at yourself as different you are not alone. You do a very stressful job that can and will trigger issues. Get help . PTSD is real and with the right help you can lead a normal fulfilling life. Learn your triggers and you copping methods and stick to them. And as ever please call 33-309-6280 if you need to talk and cannot reach anyone else. Guys this goes for anyone one. I will talk with all Vets, EMS, FF, PO ect.. While not a professional I have had training and will never judge and can relate. I have been a PO, EMS and an Combat Vet. Jordan I hope you days and nights get better.

Jordan, send me your cell number and expect a couple of phone calls.

Jordan, I sent Jude a number that can help immediately over the phone. As someone who dealt with more things than a human should have to, you reaching out is the hardest part - and that part is over. Some help is coming over the phone, and we have more if needed. Back when I started in EMS (1987) all we had was each other and you basically, tucked everything away and moved on. Things are different now, as they should be, and help is available. I am very fortunate to have a wife that sees things, as well as a department that has resources. Never knew how much they meant until recently when we had to activate all of our help following one particular weekend.

It works and we are all better from it. Get with Jude, and PM me if you need further.

Can't offer too much help but just wanted to let you know that I'll keep you in my prayers

Jordan welcome to the dark side unfortunately. I spent 16yrs in the fire service and one of those was as a combat firefighter in Iraq. I know first had exactly where you are and where you are headed without help. Believe me there is a light at the end of the tunnel , I know because I was once there . You should probably walk away from the fire service until you get through this ,then rethink if its for you or not . PTSD happens to even the best of us at some time or another ,some is sooner some later. Luckily you have realized the need for help and are seeking it now. I will do what I can for you ,you know how to reach me . You are not alone .

Thanks all. Please hold all calls until 1700 or later if possible. I have a few people to meet with this evening. Things are looking up. That "alone" feeling isn't so real now.... Thanks again guys !!

This site. Yeah, this is why I'm still on this site! Kudos to every single one of you that putting that hand out to help.

Jordan, I wish you all the best. That's all I can really offer you on this. It sounds like you're in good hands!

I know I have made some enemies and a few are lurking at it now. I will be making a public apology soon to some of the people I have hurt.

Jordan I know Louisiana has a CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management) team that works across the state. Mr. Kenn Fontenot used to head this team up. I will see him at a class we are attending Thursday. I can get you in touch with him if you haven't found any local resources. We also have a CISM team here at the Lafayette Fire Dept. Send me a pm and if you need I can get you in touch with someone over here.

Thank you sir. I have alot of support at the moment and im going to talk with all I have right now. If I need more, I will get in touch with you.

Thank you again.

Not a prob at all. Anything to help a brother out!

One more hug.

Jordan, you should be getting 2 phone calls from people I talked to today. No matter if you think you got it handled locally, follow up with someone that is trained for this.

Just talked with my chief. Feeling a little better. I did what I could.

Realization
 

Jordan, I hope you realize that you have taken a major first step. That being you realized you had some issues that needed to be addressed. I hope by way of the many supportive comments you received from members of SC and probaly even more from your family and friends you realize how much you mean to people and how much people want to hug you and say it will be O.K. Listen friend, IT WILL BE O.K.

After two tours of Gulf War I, I saw too many of my buddies try to deal with PTSD alone, thinking they could not tell some one about their thoughts, thinking they were weak, or "being a sissy". Well, those issue will effect you, and it is best you address it before it addresses you.

You did the right thing by addressing your feelings. Seek out professionals, keep your faith, and realize you have far more support than you can even imaged.

Jordan give me a call. I worked for acadian ambulance and the cornors office for a while. Now im a cop. Ive seen alot. I know how you feel. I still remember everything etc. Ive learn a few things that help me alot over the years

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Jordan, God bless you man. You are on the right path. You have 1.) Recognized you have a problem and 2.) Are reaching out for help. I am an ER nurse and am confronted with death regularly. There have been a few cases throughout my 21 year career that have haunted me. Take care of yourself first brother. It always falls on us professionals to clean up these situations. Many lay people only see the professional game face, but when we clock out, those suppressed emotions can creep to the front. I thank you, society thanks you, and the families thank you for what you do. Get healthy man...life is so very much worth it.

Thank you all for the input. I promise all of you, it hasnt gone un-noticed. I have taken all advice on this thread and put it to use. I talked with my chief last night and got a little bit of closure. I then went and talked with my dad who is a paramedic and had him break it down for me. He told me things that I never though about. 90% of my issue is stress. I will be going and working out at the fire station after calls and I will better my health by changing my diet in order to help myself cope with these situations.

Again, from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate everyone's input and I promise you, it hasnt gone un-noticed. I am all ears for more input. I went and ran around the cow pasture last night until I thought I was literally going to die, went in and took a shower and slept better last night than I have in months.

Jordan I just saw this thread. I was going to suggest you talk to your dad first. He has a lot of insight and has seen his share also. Follow up on this and don't let it fester. I'm here too if you need a ear to bend. As you can see all of us in LE, Fire, and Medical are an extended family. Again take care of yourself.

All good advice, use it all. Also, never underestimate the power of prayer, I'm talking putting everything else aside, blocking every thought, and praying deeply to God for relief that passes all understanding! GOD cares where we are at in life, he knows our every thought, and I guarantee HE won't let you down!