SaltyCajun.com - The Zen of Sarcasm

The Zen of Sarcasm

1 . Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead . Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow . Do not walk beside me either . . Just pretty much leave me alone .

2 . The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire .

3 . It's always darkest before dawn . So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it .

4 . Don't be irreplaceable . If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted .

5 . Always remember that you're unique . Just like everyone else .

6 . Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7 . If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments .

8 . Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes . That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes .

9 . If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you .

10 .Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day . Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .

11 .If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment .

12 . If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything .

13 . Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield .

14 . Everyone seems normal until you get to know them .

15 . The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket .

16 . A closed mouth gathers no foot .

17 . Duct tape is like 'The Force' . It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together .

18 .There are two theories to arguing with women .. Neither one works .

19 . Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .

20 . Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it .

21 . Never miss a good chance to shut up.

AND

22 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night .