Aunt Milderd
 

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent
over the recent death of her husband.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old
Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was
badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to
someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the
heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.

Later that night.... Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound

to her knee.