I am a bit of a forum Junkie. On a motorcycle forum a few years back, I told this story about my vasectomy.
I had my vasectomy this morning.
They offered me a script of valium to help ease the stress, but I declined as I wanted to drive myself. I was fairly relaxed waiting for them to call me back. Once in the operating room, they had me strip down below the waist and wrap myself in a sheet. I hopped up on the operating table. The nurse guided my feet into stirrups. She flipped the sheet up onto my abdomen and began coaching me toward the foot end of the table by doing the come here motion with her finger, staring intently as I did. She apparently knew exactly how doc likes his patients positioned. I told myself at this point that if I saw her break out any lube I was going to run.
She started taping my shaft to my abdomen so it wouldn't flop into the way during the operation. In the process of getting the third strip of tape ready, she got it all wrapped around her arm and stuck to itself. Another nurse joined her in helping get my shaft taped down. At this point two things hit me. I now have much more empathy for women who go to an OBGYN and I understand why they offer valium for guys who get vasectomies. At that point I got a rather pleasing betadine sponge bath. They then covered me up with the blue surgical drape and Doc walked in. Within seconds I was feeling the stinging of the lidocane being injected into the right hemisphere of my scrotum.
Almost instantaneously the doc began opening me up. I was fortunate enough (because of my droopy ball sack) to be a candidate for a no scalpel vasectomy. The no scalpel means no sutures and a little less pain. I couldn't see or feel anything. There was a tugging sensation. It felt like the vessel he was pulling out of my sack was attached to my trachea, but that's about it. In short order Doc moved to the left side. The only disconcerting thing was hearing the cauterizing gun burn into my flesh and watching the smoke rise off my sack when it did. The draft in the room brought a waft of burnt scrotal meat smoke toward me where it stung my nostrils.
I shed lidocane pretty fast, and did feel a little discomfort when the last opening was cauterized. I was in and out in what must have been less than 30 minutes. The doc and I told a couple quick stories and shared a laugh or two during the process. Much more benign than I envisioned.
I am housesitting for my boss while she is on a cruise with her mother. Feels weird sitting at her desk in my compression shorts with an ice bag on my balls farting around on the internet.
I have to wait about a week before I am allowed to have an ejaculation. Then after 10-12 ejaculations (a few more days) I get to whack off in a cup and have it tested for sperm. If it is negative, then I am officially infertile. I live over an hour from the clinic, and have to have the sample to the lab within 2 hours of collecting it. That's cutting it close. Any ideas?
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