Stealthy-
its like anything else. What ever she is comfortable with holding. I have the pocket pistol Ruger LCP .380, it fits my wife well but has a good bit of recoil for such a small gun. She probably likes the .38 revolver the best. Thats most accurate and most sold gun for women. My mom is scary accurate with hers!! Now my sister on the other hand loves shooting my Glock .40!
Come by the house one day, I'll let you take a few of em if you want and take her to Shooting Range on Kirkman and try em out.
Other things to think of are safeties on the gun, ease of use, & good spot for easy access but away from the little kiddies. The old 20 gauge pump makes a great home defense gun too.
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