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The Comedy Club (Jokes, Humor) Tell your favorite jokes here! Keep it PG rated, please.

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Old 12-07-2010, 06:13 PM
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Gottogo49 Gottogo49 is offline
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Default The Zen of Sarcasm

The Zen of Sarcasm



1 . D
o not walk behind me, for I may not lead . Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow . Do not walk beside me either . . Just pretty much leave me alone .

2 . T
he journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire .

3 .
It's always darkest before dawn . So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it .

4 . D
on't be irreplaceable . If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted .

5 . A
lways remember that you're unique . Just like everyone else .

6 . N
ever test the depth of the water with both feet.

7 . I
f you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments .

8 . B
efore you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes . That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes .

9
. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you .

10
.Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day . Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .

11 .
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment .

12
. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything .

13 . S
ome days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield .

14 . E
veryone seems normal until you get to know them .

15 . T
he quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket .

16 . A
closed mouth gathers no foot .

17 . D
uct tape is like 'The Force' . It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together .

18 .
There are two theories to arguing with women .. Neither one works .

19
. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .

20 . E
xperience is something you don't get until just after you need it .

21
. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

AND


22
. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night .
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