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The Comedy Club (Jokes, Humor) Tell your favorite jokes here! Keep it PG rated, please. |
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The Zen of Sarcasm
1 . Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead . Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow . Do not walk beside me either . . Just pretty much leave me alone . 2 . The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire . 3 . It's always darkest before dawn . So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it . 4 . Don't be irreplaceable . If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted . 5 . Always remember that you're unique . Just like everyone else . 6 . Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 7 . If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments . 8 . Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes . That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes . 9 . If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you . 10 .Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day . Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day . 11 .If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment . 12 . If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything . 13 . Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield . 14 . Everyone seems normal until you get to know them . 15 . The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket . 16 . A closed mouth gathers no foot . 17 . Duct tape is like 'The Force' . It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together . 18 .There are two theories to arguing with women .. Neither one works . 19 . Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving . 20 . Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it . 21 . Never miss a good chance to shut up. AND 22 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night . |
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