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The Comedy Club (Jokes, Humor) Tell your favorite jokes here! Keep it PG rated, please.

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  #1  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:34 PM
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Hairout Can anything else go wrong today?!

So I woke up (0800) with the intention of cutting grass today. Went to start the lawnmower, no fricking key, so I said well maybe I could weedeat today, find the key later. So I go to start the weedeater, no gas which I forgot I ran all the gas out of it on purpose, go look for the gas can, no fricking gas can has gas in it; again. So I go to Rende's right down the road from my house only to discover I forgot my wallet; again. So I go get my wallet, get gas, weedeat and everything goes fine. My brother called last night wanting to know if I'd tug his boat to Lafayette to get a new trolling motor installed, I said sure. Well I get to Lafayette and everything goes ok up until the point where I go get some lunch. I stopped at the McDonald's on the corner of University and Ranaud. The first red flag which I chose to ignore was the presence of roaches on the windows in the middle of the day. So I order and get my food, take a bite of the freezing cold hamburger patty with what appeared to be mold on both the cheese and bun. So I throw that away and just figure I'll eat the fries and be good for a couple hours, again, freezing cold and looking like they came from behind the fryalator. So its getting close to pick up the boat, go pick it up with no problem. Get on the interstate and go over Henderson and get near Port Allen, traffic is moving at less than 3mph 3MPH!. So I spot the Highway 1 exit and decide to go through Plaquemine, Brusly, Addis, White Castle and Donaldsonville with a bit of traffic, but nothing major. So I'm between White Castle and Donaldsonville when I am pulled over for 59 in a 55, no big deal, warning from Acension Parish and I'm off, I get out of Donaldsonville and I notice a vibration from the trailer, a few seconds later, BOOM! tire blows NO FREAKING SPARE! (more on no spare later) again. I sit for 45 minutes until someone stops to help. So I call my buddy James and my brother Steven. They come about 30 minutes later with reinforcements. After 2 hours sitting on side of the road, I'm back on it. Drop the boat back off at Steven's drive back into Gonzales and get home, cook me some Taco meat, fix me a Taco, go to take the first bite, and the bottom of my Taco falls out onto my lap sending the sensation of burning pain through my jeans and onto the place that no man wants to be burned.

On a brighter note, did get a chance so see the new Academy and buy some worms, and stopped to test out the trolling motor, caught 7 bass before Ramah under the interstate on Red Shad worms, catch and release. Not one was under 2 pounds. Would have had pics, but my 11$ phone has no camera and I don't have my digital camera as my dad took it with him to Wisconsin.
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  #2  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:42 PM
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I need a summary...wall of text.
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  #3  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:45 PM
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I switched to Geico and saved on my insurance today
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  #4  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iron man View Post
So I woke up (0800) with the intention of cutting grass today. Went to start the lawnmower, no fricking key, so I said well maybe I could weedeat today, find the key later. So I go to start the weedeater, no gas which I forgot I ran all the gas out of it on purpose, go look for the gas can, no fricking gas can has gas in it; again. So I go to Rende's right down the road from my house only to discover I forgot my wallet; again. So I go get my wallet, get gas, weedeat and everything goes fine. My brother called last night wanting to know if I'd tug his boat to Lafayette to get a new trolling motor installed, I said sure. Well I get to Lafayette and everything goes ok up until the point where I go get some lunch. I stopped at the McDonald's on the corner of University and Ranaud. The first red flag which I chose to ignore was the presence of roaches on the windows in the middle of the day. So I order and get my food, take a bite of the freezing cold hamburger patty with what appeared to be mold on both the cheese and bun. So I throw that away and just figure I'll eat the fries and be good for a couple hours, again, freezing cold and looking like they came from behind the fryalator. So its getting close to pick up the boat, go pick it up with no problem. Get on the interstate and go over Henderson and get near Port Allen, traffic is moving at less than 3mph 3MPH!. So I spot the Highway 1 exit and decide to go through Plaquemine, Brusly, Addis, White Castle and Donaldsonville with a bit of traffic, but nothing major. So I'm between White Castle and Donaldsonville when I am pulled over for 59 in a 55, no big deal, warning from Acension Parish and I'm off, I get out of Donaldsonville and I notice a vibration from the trailer, a few seconds later, BOOM! tire blows NO FREAKING SPARE! (more on no spare later) again. I sit for 45 minutes until someone stops to help. So I call my buddy James and my brother Steven. They come about 30 minutes later with reinforcements. After 2 hours sitting on side of the road, I'm back on it. Drop the boat back off at Steven's drive back into Gonzales and get home, cook me some Taco meat, fix me a Taco, go to take the first bite, and the bottom of my Taco falls out onto my lap sending the sensation of burning pain through my jeans and onto the place that no man wants to be burned.

On a brighter note, did get a chance so see the new Academy and buy some worms, and stopped to test out the trolling motor, caught 7 bass before Ramah under the interstate on Red Shad worms, catch and release. Not one was under 2 pounds. Would have had pics, but my 11$ phone has no camera and I don't have my digital camera as my dad took it with him to Wisconsin.
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  #5  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:46 PM
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So exactly why didn't the trailer have a spare.. you said you'd go back to that part, but I didn't read it in there.. I might have missed it, but I doubt I did.
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  #6  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:54 PM
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Man: Tell me something I don't know
Iron man: I once open mouth kissed a horse!
Man: (confused look) What?!?..
Iron man: That's something you didn't know.
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  #7  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by huntin fool View Post
So exactly why didn't the trailer have a spare.. you said you'd go back to that part, but I didn't read it in there.. I might have missed it, but I doubt I did.
We went fishin in Pierre Part and was on the way home when one tire decided it wanted to separate the steel belt underneath the tread, but not blow. Kinda like getting a egg shaped bulge. So we changed that one with the spare and went on our way. He never got around to getting a new one or getting all new ones even when I remind him. So now he'll have to get 3 new tires which will probably happen tomorrow.

The thread was getting long so I figured I'd put why there wasn't a spare as a comment.
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  #8  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcjaredsandwich View Post
Man: Tell me something I don't know
Iron man: I once open mouth kissed a horse!
Man: (confused look) What?!?..
Iron man: That's something you didn't know.
SHH!
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  #9  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:56 PM
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Don't tempt karma by asking what else can go wrong...I hear she's a b****! Lol
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  #10  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Backwards Kid's Mom View Post
Don't tempt karma by asking what else can go wrong...I hear she's a b****! Lol
You know thats rite ...
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  #11  
Old 08-16-2011, 08:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Backwards Kid's Mom View Post
Don't tempt karma by asking what else can go wrong...I hear she's a b****! Lol
lol
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  #12  
Old 08-16-2011, 09:22 PM
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and you end this with catching a few bass that you throw back all over 2lds, but you keep illegal bass, your full of it! this isn't a venting website, but you end it with a fishing report! yo-yo!
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BASS FISHING EXTRAORDINAIRE!
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  #13  
Old 08-16-2011, 10:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LPfishnTIM View Post
and you end this with catching a few bass that you throw back all over 2lds, but you keep illegal bass, your full of it! this isn't a venting website, but you end it with a fishing report! yo-yo!
He needs to have the talk. Dink your up. Lol
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  #14  
Old 08-16-2011, 10:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by longcast View Post
He needs to have the talk. Dink your up. Lol
Huh?? He was fingering the bass??? I must have missed That part.......

Dude, your gross!!
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  #15  
Old 08-16-2011, 10:41 PM
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  #16  
Old 08-16-2011, 11:55 PM
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I'm tired of pointless threads on this website. Why can't we have a fishing based website that hovers around fishing. I don't care about anything that has to do with your personal life. If you need to vent go find real friends. Oprah doesn't run this site so go somewhere else. I am not sure why I am the only person who seems to feel this way?
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  #17  
Old 08-17-2011, 12:01 AM
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Were a family here, you know That......but on this thread, not so much ........sorry, but if I got a problem, I'm gonna talk to my boys on this site.......
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  #18  
Old 08-17-2011, 12:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mediumheavyaction6'6 View Post
I am not sure why I am the only person who seems to feel this way?
Trust me Lucas, you're not!
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  #19  
Old 08-17-2011, 12:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dink View Post
Were a family here, you know That......but on this thread, not so much ........sorry, but if I got a problem, I'm gonna talk to my boys on this site.......
You're situation is a little different Mr Dink, well actually a lot different.
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  #20  
Old 08-17-2011, 12:08 AM
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Gotta agree with Dink here.

While some of the threads/posts go off the deep end, we are looking to vent, seek advice or whatever. You go to your friends to do this.

If you don't want to read what he says, then don't.

Not trying to attack or start anything. There are times I feel the same way and ignore threads totally.
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