she may have spit in your food to get even

Went to eat at a buddy's house one night. He had one kid already and when I met his wife she looked like she was just about to pop another kid. I said, "man, you work fast, when is that baby due".......she wasn't pregnant...felt like an azzhole all night.

LOL!!

:*****:

Here's another story..




During the 9 years of baseball travel...

this was my favorite story...

Last inning, 1 out, ( i play catcher) bases loaded, we strike the batter out, i look to the left and here comes the kid stealing home, well i have the ball in my mit, so i run half way down the base line and stand my ground. Well the kid is atleast 150, compared to my 60 lbs at the time. So he plows over me, but i got him out (held on to ball) we win that game...Next day im sitting in the stands laughing with my friends about the story, when I say the name of the kid, the girl in front turns around and says," hey thats my brother." Like were you listening to the entire conversation!?! I felt dumb again..:work:



In kindergarten we was reading "peter cotton tail" Well..the teacher said," And the 2 rabbits hopped down the trail happy and gay" Now class do any of yall know what Gay means? Nobody raised there hands so i did, and said,"when to guys like each other, or when 2 girls like each other" Well, teacher wasn;t too happy, nor was mom and dad when they got called that night

My Uncle and his son who was about 5 or 6 at the time was checking out in the grocery store. My little cousin looks at a black lady in the checkout line in front of them and notices she has her baby in the basket........he proceeds to tell her that his mommy and daddy are praying to Jesus to bring him a little brother or sister. She commends him for being so sweet when he tells her "yeah, but we want a white one".

The big oil companies followed the "affirmative action" hiring deal a few years back and let's say some people that were not qualified for their positions were hired in some key positions to make the government happy. I got to do some hunting and entertaining starting in the 2000 - 2001 era and would meet some pretty high up people from Houston on hunts/fishing trips.

One morning I am guiding for my boss in Thornwell and we are smoking the specks, it was a day I could do no wrong, birds just dropping in to the decoys. Well, my "sports" were getting excited and one of them whispers loudly "look, right there coming into the decoys". I turn to see some black birds that we are all familiar with, and are not "real" geese. Before I knew it, the words were out of my mouth and I could not get them back......Yep, you guessed it, I replied - "No, those are n*&^%r geese". You could have heard a pin drop since we had one in the blind with us and he was the boss of the other 2 guys! I thought I was fired!

when my wife was about 81/2 months pregnant some guy asked if she knew what the sex was of the 2 babies... she was only pregnant for one and only gained like 30lbs, she weighed 105lbs initially so she was still tiny. lol i laughed, she didn't find it amusing.

At work many years ago, I approach two ladies- who have their backs to me. Both have long wavy hair down to the small of their backs. "How can I help you lovely ladies?", of course when they turn around and its a guy and his girlfriend. I struggled to pull my foot out of my mouth for the next few minutes.

I was at work with a couple of black guys, one of them asked what kind of bird is that.... i said that's a Loon, the other one looks at me and said that aint no loon thats a ****a goose....

yeah so this happens pretty much everytime i open my mouth !!! i just dont care anymore and most of my friends have gotten used to it:p

Back many moons ago (before I was married) some friends & I were in a club, bar whatever you want to call it. We were standing in line for the bathroom when this blonde (a freaking knockout) walks by & one us speaks, well she just walks by without even the slightest response, a minute or so she comes by again, so we speak again, still not even a look. WTH? Her thrid trip by without a response I jump in front of her & face to face while acting like I'm doing sign language say A R E Y O U D E A F? Yup! she was deaf! Well she didn't take to kindly to my gestures & proceded to remove my right eye with her index finger! She had her finger buried to the knuckle in my eye socket with my head pinned against the wall! My eye stayed black & swollen shut for over a week! Till this day I have a great fear of deaf people!!!!

Someone already beat you to the punch.

thats my luck right there:*****::*****:

dont worry Chris he is in love!!!! Would you do this???? i ask me self over and over again..........Just feel like low man hood just thinking about it:*****::*****::*****: Poor natey

thats why i fear blind people...they don't just carry them sticks to see where they going.....