[eman]

* i used to eat a lot of natural foods until i learned that most people die of natural causes.

* there are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead.

* life is sexually transmitted.

* healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

* health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

* have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days not one talks about seeing ufo’s like they used to?

* whenever i feel blue, i start breathing again.

* all of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

* in the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.

* how is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

* who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “i think i’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out.” ?

* if jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

* if quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

* if corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

* do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

* does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

* why doesn’t glue stick inside of the bottle?