Anyone here been divorced?

[Is it October YET?]

I have finally had enough and am seriously contemplating getting a divorce. Only problem is my son turns 4 on Wednesday and he is my ENTIRE world. Should I just be miserable for him or should I go for it and hope for the best? Anyone been in this situation with any input?

[Backwards Kid's Mom]

Been there, done that. My son was 6 when I got divorced....one of the hardest things I ever did but I figured he deserved a happy parent and not a miserable one. The only advice I have is to make sure you can look at yourself in the mirror and honestly say that you gave it your all. If you can do that and tried everything to make it work and it's still bad, then do it. Just be sure that no matter what, you don't let the anger and hurt of divorce get in the way of raising your son. You have to suck up your pride and always put his best interest first. Best of luck...and prayers for the road you may travel.

[Is it October YET?]

I can't say I've given it my all but I do know that I don't have anything left. Thank you for your response.

[Big Lake Blondie]

I have a friend in a similar situation...He has stayed with his wife due to his daughter and it hurts us everytime we see him because he is absolutely miserable...If both sides have done everything in their power to make it work and the love is just gone with no hope of coming back, then it is probably for the best...Is the divorce decision a one sided one or mutual?

[Is it October YET?]

One sided.

[FF_T_Warren]

idk, I can say that you do need to try everything. communication is going to be the big thing. It's easy to give up but for the sake of your kids I think you need to sit and talk things out. This seems like basic and Im talking stupid but if its just one sided then it seems like there may be some communication gaps going on. Now with this being said, its hard to give you good feedback because we don't know the issues at hand(not saying you need to post them though). I think you should try a few routes. Start by looking back at what brought you together and at what point it changed, seek some good christian counseling, and open communication about your feelings as well as hers. It just seems like if its a one sided thing, that there can be something to bring it all back together, its just gonna take work on both sides and honest communications.

I wish you the best and will pray for your situation

[Ray]

If you are miserable, get out. Just my opinion.
It will only get worse.
I got divorced in 1991. My wife at the time said she was going to take everything.
The judge said different.
I didn't care about the money. If you are happy, the money won't make any difference.

[Big Lake Blondie]

We all get to the point in our marriage where you want to throw your hands up and say "I quit!", but that's easy...You have to stop and remember that you married one another for a reason and that reason didn't just disappear over night...You have to sit down sometimes and have a SERIOUS heart to heart with one another about what you need out of the relationship and how you really feel...It is not always pretty, but a lot more effective than letting things get worse and worse without talking or counseling...I do agree in the "good christian counseling" part because it will make you take an honest look at your relationship, generally without being a "he said, she said" blow up...Communication is the key and a big problem that I see in marriages is one the honeymoon phase is over, you drift apart...You both start doing your own things and then start resenting one another because you are on diffferent pages and don't remember how to get back to where you were...Kids are a blessing, but do put a strain on any relationship...Everyone needs to have "couple time" at least once a week where you can focus on nothing else but each other and remember what caused you to fall in love in the first place... Just my opinion; hope it helps

[simplepeddler]

Dadsdivorcedotcom
Good advice, from men.
Read "the list"
don't go there if you have thin skin
trust me on this.

[tumbleweed]

My advice, if you can't work it out, you have exhausted all options, go ahead and take the hit in the short term. It will be much easier in the long run, especially with the children. Ideally you could move into a new place close to your son.

My parents stayed together for the kids. It made everything worse because they were terrible at acting like they loved each other. It made every situation awkward and created long lasting resentment from my siblings to my parents.

I talk to both my parents today. For I while I did not. My siblings each one of them has at least one parent they will not communicate with. Unless you and your wife are Oscar caliber actors, don't do it. It will be better for everybody.

[Is it October YET?]

The problem is we spend too much time together. Plus I am a hard arse and she let's the kids do whatever. I have two step sons(21 and 11)and a 4 year old that is ours. The steps are a complete waste of space. They do nothing. Disrespect both of us. The 21 wanted to fight me the other day cause I told him to grow up. I went after him but the wife stepped in. He is now out of my house. I have been telling my wife for years that I am tired of always being the bad guy. Now that I have had enough she wants to go to counsiling and all that crap. I would rather spend the money on a boat. I guess time will tell.

[jpeff31787]

Originally Posted by Is it October YET?

The problem is we spend too much time together. Plus I am a hard arse and she let's the kids do whatever. I have two step sons(21 and 11)and a 4 year old that is ours. The steps are a complete waste of space. They do nothing. Disrespect both of us. The 21 wanted to fight me the other day cause I told him to grow up. I went after him but the wife stepped in. He is now out of my house. I have been telling my wife for years that I am tired of always being the bad guy. Now that I have had enough she wants to go to counsiling and all that crap. I would rather spend the money on a boat. I guess time will tell.

i know someone going through nearly the same thing and they are now getting a divorce. They've been through counselling a few times and everything but she doesn't discipline the children and every time he steps in; she makes him look like the bad guy. The kids are terrible when she's around but if they are only around him; they are well behaved. He has already told her that they are getting divorced over stupidity. That was his exact words. Good luck and sending prayers.

["H"]

My Dad stayed with my Mom until my sister and I were grown, but I don't think they had much of a marriage. My first wife left me with two children after 18 years of marriage. I eventually remarried, started over and we have a 5 year old little girl. Divorce is very hard on children (at any age). Pretty much been thru it all. I live in BR, if you need someone to talk to pm me, I'll be happy meet you somewhere over lunch or heck even a fishing trip. Like the others have said PRAY, COMMUNICATE, and keep trying! The 4 yr old deserves it. Oh, one other thing, I had to kick my own son out at 18.

[Is it October YET?]

I didn't want to kick him out but he is a lazy P.O.S. When I had back surgery I had to pay someone to cut the grass because he wouldn't. The 11 year old is the same way and my 4 year old is starting to pick it up from them. When I was young you did whatever you were told and helped asked or not. I guess its just a different world. And I'm only 32!!!

[skinman]

I was on the brink of getting a divorce. Started seeing a marriage councilor. It wasn't that expensive, and it saved our marriage. "H" said it all... COMMUNICATION. Let her know what you are thinking good or bad, and talk through it. We have a 9 and 10 year old, and I know they need both parents under one roof. Not trying to preach to you, but I know exactly how you feel being at the end of your rope. My wife and I still argue, but nothing like we use to do. Good luck to you.

[Ray]

I am glad I got divorced. Wasn't at first, but it worked out a lot better.
Wife #2 is a lot better than wife #1.

[Big Lake Blondie]

i understand the kid issue...got a family member that got remarried and going through the same thing...he's miserable...his wife, however, doesn't care what he thinks...hopefully yours does...the only way to know is just straight up talk...let it all out...good or bad, if ya'll love each other, you should both be able to bend and flex in order to make the relationship work...no bend, no flex, then you break... if you don't want to break, then you will do your part to help make the relationship work and she will have to do hers...they say marriage is 50/50...it isn't...it's 100/100...you have to give it all you got...hopefully ya'll can figure it out

[Ray]

Some people just want to get married and do what ever it takes to get someone to marry them.
Then once they get what they want, they quit doing what their spouse liked that got them to marry them.
If you want to stay married, don't change what you did to get them to marry you.
I made sure wife #2 knew how I felt before we got married. I promised not to change if she promised not to change.
So far, so good.

[simplepeddler]

ten years on marriage #2
Not once did I sit in agony wanting wife number one back.

[Ray]

Wife #1 was 6 years.
Divorced 10 years.
Wife #2 has been 10 years and going.

You can learn a lot from a big mistake.