Kids fighting

[jdm4x43732]

My wife and I are raising our niece and nephew along with our two girls. Neither of their dads are in the picture and mon is useless. He has had a rough life and has been picked on in school. He has beat up 3 kids lately. All kids who either bullied or hit him first. I'm proud of him for taking up for himself but we had to pick him up at school last week cause he put a shiner on some kid for picking on him for not wanting to fight in the locker room. Anyone got ideas on how to make him understand how quickly this can turn bad. I sure don't need to pay some kids medical bills or go get him out of jail. He is about to turn 13. Punishment, boxing or karate for discipline? Whip him? Anyone else with teenage boys and this problem?

[southern151]

Call me. May be able to help you.

[jdm4x43732]

It a belt I can use? Haha. I'll give you a shout tomorrow when I hit land.

[southern151]

Don't punish him for defending himself, for sure! Talk about a kid who already has a few mixed emotions in life getting wires crossed?!...that would sure do it.

[jdm4x43732]

I'm thinking some 16oz gloves and a bag, he may blow off some steam. I just don't want to make him want to fight more. He really is a good kid and I treat him as if he was my own but man I'm afraid this could get bad quick.

[southern151]

Originally Posted by jdm4x43732

I'm thinking some 16oz gloves and a bag, he may blow off some steam. I just don't want to make him want to fight more. He really is a good kid and I treat him as if he was my own but man I'm afraid this could get bad quick.

Good third party mentors...martial arts. They'll help him turn frustration into positive energy but also show him how to really make it count when he has no other choice.

[LPfishnTIM]

confidence helps a lot, the lack of affirmation from father really hurts, when it comes to bullies and being teased his feel of self worth is next to nothing. Do some activities with him like fishing and when he catches, praise him, it might take a few trips but anything to help build that feeling of self worth like he a part of something helps with that confidence. Anything that can make him feel like part of a team or a group helps. I played sports, but what really helped me feel some acceptance was when I played guitar in youth group while I was in high school.

[bjhooper82]

You would think after he's kicked three other kids a s s they would stop picking on him. Lol. Sorry I can't help you here Jonny, but good luck with your situation.

[Duck Butter]

No idea how to help but bless you for taking in those kids

[budndawn]

I was one of those kids fighting all the time. I got into boxing and it was fun in the ring but just led to more challenges outside the ring cause kids are stupid, beat em up and they keep trying. Got into martial arts and that was the ticket. Lots of discipline not just in the Dojo, they work with the schools as for progress reports and such and reward for doing well. Still get to hit stuff and learn when and how to use it. It really does alot for self esteam and helps you learn to think things through before reacting. Just my .02

[jchief]

Originally Posted by Duck Butter

No idea how to help but bless you for taking in those kids

x 2

[jdm4x43732]

Originally Posted by LPfishnTIM

confidence helps a lot, the lack of affirmation from father really hurts, when it comes to bullies and being teased his feel of self worth is next to nothing. Do some activities with him like fishing and when he catches, praise him, it might take a few trips but anything to help build that feeling of self worth like he a part of something helps with that confidence. Anything that can make him feel like part of a team or a group helps. I played sports, but what really helped me feel some acceptance was when I played guitar in youth group while I was in high school.

He fishes and hunts with me and a few of the guys on here pretty regularly. He is a good kid just from 4.5 yrs old til he was 9 he raised himself for the most part. He has been through alot. We have taken him to a counselor before and that did some good to get him to open up but he wasn't interested in doing it long term and we weren't going to force it. He plays summer baseball and did basketball but sat out this yr due to his grades.

[thomas1950]

Children go to school to receive an education and not to be picked on. There have been cases of people committing suicide due to being bullied. On the flip side, don't forget about the two boys at Columbine High School that were being picked on and what happened.

Calcasieu Parish Schools have a bullying / cyber bullying policy. You can find it online at http://www.cpsb.org/System/policies/CodeofConduct.pdf Your parish should have a policy on bullying as well if your children don't attend a school in Calcasieu. Your school counselor may have some helpful suggestions for you as well.

[Goooh]

You're not going to stop bullying in schools, or anywhere for that matter - look at forums and tell me you aren't surprised at some of the attacks and comments thrown at people over a silly topic, and these are grown men.

What needs to be instilled is confidence and feeling af acceptance and self worth as the fellas said before. When young minds have that, they don't turn to killing and suicide.

A boy that raises himself or is without a meaningful man in those younger years is going to feel like he has to prove himself all the time. It sounds like he has a head on him because he lets it escalate instead of flying off immediately, but he will need even further attention and guidance by you to instill in him that what those guys say is absolutely dust in the grand scheme of life - there will always be folks like that, and successful, happy people are well distanced from those that act like that. He needs to reach a point where inside he laughs and acknowledges their ignorance and finds it entertaining, much like we that hold jobs and go through life peacefully do.

You are the man in his life and that is the ultimate position and opportunity to do your part in society and raise an upstanding, successful citizen that could otherwise turn into a menace, and they do the majority of the time when a father is not there.

My oldest is the son of a deadbeat dad that's never seen him - the book Raising a Modern Day Knight is an awesome read for you. It's helped me more than anything else. Short read too, but to the point. If you want it I can send it to you, just PM me.

Sorry for the long post!

[swamp snorkler]

Originally Posted by bjhooper82

you would think after he's kicked three other kids a s s they would stop picking on him. Lol. Sorry i can't help you here jonny, but good luck with your situation.

x2

Originally Posted by duck butter

no idea how to help but bless you for taking in those kids

x3

[Raymond]

Originally Posted by thomas1950

Children go to school to receive an education and not to be picked on. There have been cases of people committing suicide due to being bullied. On the flip side, don't forget about the two boys at Columbine High School that were being picked on and what happened.

Calcasieu Parish Schools have a bullying / cyber bullying policy. You can find it online at http://www.cpsb.org/System/policies/CodeofConduct.pdf Your parish should have a policy on bullying as well if your children don't attend a school in Calcasieu. Your school counselor may have some helpful suggestions for you as well.

That policy is a joke, it is not enforced in the schools my kid has attended and that's a Fact.

[fun w son]

Originally Posted by LPfishnTIM

confidence helps a lot, the lack of affirmation from father really hurts, when it comes to bullies and being teased his feel of self worth is next to nothing. Do some activities with him like fishing and when he catches, praise him, it might take a few trips but anything to help build that feeling of self worth like he a part of something helps with that confidence. Anything that can make him feel like part of a team or a group helps. I played sports, but what really helped me feel some acceptance was when I played guitar in youth group while I was in high school.

I have several friends that are teachers and high school coaches... and I have heard this from them MANY times! and it works!!! but it does take time!