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The Comedy Club (Jokes, Humor) Tell your favorite jokes here! Keep it PG rated, please. |
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#1
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getting old
================================================== =============== > I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off! > Old age is coming at a really bad time! > When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a > grown up, it just feels like a small vacation! > The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, > I'll remember it." > Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the > courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I > finally snap! > I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights." I'm very wise. > My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs > work. > If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees. > The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" > which is shorter than "yes". > I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do > that second week. > When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"? > I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it! > Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound > Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer > me to someone I can't understand anyway? > Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW. > Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. > At my age "getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering why I > went there. > > > |
#2
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I can identify with more of those than I care to admit...
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