How To Catch Fish (office fisherman guide)

[Bucoo]

I saw this and decided that I should post

It has often been said that 10 percent of the anglers catch 90 percent of the fish. From what I've seen during my years on the water, that's an accurate assessment.

Most of the 90 percent of anglers want to break into that 10 percent, but there aren't all that many in the 10 percent who want to be part of the 90 percent.

But just in case you're an angler who's sick and tired of having to clean an ice chest full of fish after every trip, here are some suggestions on how you can move down to the club of the 90 percent:

1) Buy an anchor with a long chain, and hurl it into the water like you're an Olympic hammer thrower. When you do, be sure to let the chain clank against the boat for maximum reverberation. Surrounding boaters will love this. Them raising their middle fingers is how anglers say hello on the water.

2) Fish with steal leaders. That's how your grandpa fished, and he used to load up the box.

3) Better yet, buy those ready-made steel leaders with the red beads and the weight at the bottom. Fish love those.

4) Always use swivels. They make changing lures so much easier.

5) Rather than a subtle cork with a tiny rattle, use one of those old-school, cup-faced jobs that sound like a cinder block has fallen from an overhead 747. Those call in the fish from the next lake over.

6) Don't bother looking at the data from the buoys that are spread all over our marshes to determine what the conditions were like for the days leading up to your trip. Paying attention to conditions is overrated.

7) Sit in one spot all day, and just wait for the fish to bite. Surely they're there, but they're just not hungry yet. Have another six-pack while you wait them out.

8) Change your line every time our nation elects a new president.

9) Run your outboard directly over the area you intend to fish. Our fish are used to the sound of internal combustion engines.

10) Trolling motor, shmolling motor.

11) Get an early start in the winter and a late start in the summer.

12) Develop a plan and stick to it, no matter the conditions you observe on the water.

13) Fish spots rather than patterns.

14) Don't look for your own fish. Just ride around until you see a bunch of boats congregated in one area. Get within a short-cast's distance of two of them. They don't own the water.