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The Comedy Club (Jokes, Humor) Tell your favorite jokes here! Keep it PG rated, please.

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  #1  
Old 09-15-2013, 08:45 AM
Andy C Andy C is offline
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Default Only in Texas

Long but intersting


Texas our Texas. "Nothing but miles and miles of miles." Bob Hope's words during NhaTrang, Vietnam tour-performance, 1965. Ann Margaret toured with him. Great lady.


Only in Texas

Love the sun?
Sun City, Texas 78628
Sunrise, Texas 76661
Sunset, Texas 76270
Sundown, Texas 79372
Sunray, Texas 79086
Sunny Side, Texas 77423

Want something to eat?
Bacon, Texas 76301
Noodle, Texas 79536
Oatmeal, Texas 78605
Turkey, Texas 79261
Trout, Texas 75789
Sugar Land, Texas 77479
Salty, Texas 76567
Rice, Texas 75155
Pearland, Texas 77581
Orange, Texas 77630
And top it off with:
Sweetwater, Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!
Detroit, Texas 75436
Cleveland, Texas 75436
Colorado City, Texas 79512
Denver City, Texas 79323
Klondike, Texas 75448
Pittsburg , Texas 75686
Newark , Texas 76071
Nevada, Texas 75173
Memphis, Texas 79245
Miami, Texas 79059
Boston, Texas 75570
Santa Fe, Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony, Texas 75861
Reno, Texas 75462
Pasadena, Texas 77506
Columbus, Texas 78934
Just Texas
Pep, Texas 79353
Smiley , Texas 78159
Paradise, Texas 76073
Rainbow, Texas 76077
Sweet Home, Texas 77987
Comfort , Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530

Feel like traveling outside the country?
Athens , Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China , Texas 77613
Dublin , Texas 76446
Egypt, Texas 77436
Ireland, Texas 76538
Italy, Texas 76538
Turkey, Texas 79261
London, Texas 76854
New London, Texas 75682
Paris, Texas 75460
Palestine, Texas 75801

No need to travel to Washington DC
Whitehouse, Texas 75791

We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth , Texas 79031

We have a city named after our state:
Texas City , Texas 77590

Exhausted?
Energy , Texas 76452

Cold?
Blanket , Texas 76432
Winters, Texas 79567

Like to read about History?
Santa Anna , Texas 76878
Goliad , Texas 77963
Alamo , Texas 78516
Robert Lee , Texas 76945

Need Office Supplies?
Staples, Texas 78670

Want to go into outer space?
Venus , Texas 76084
Mars , Texas 79062

You guessed it. It's on the state line.
Texline , Texas 79087

For the kids...
Kermit, Texas 79745
Elmo, Texas 75118
Nemo, Texas 76070
Tarzan, Texas 79783
Winnie, Texas 77665
Sylvester, Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas, to make you smile......
Frognot, Texas 75424
Bigfoot, Texas 78005
Hogeye, Texas 75423
Cactus, Texas 79013
Notrees, Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest, Texas 76886
Kickapoo, Texas 75763
Dime Box, Texas 77853
Old Dime Box, Texas 77853
Telephone, Texas 75488
Telegraph, Texas 76883
Whiteface, Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079

The Anti-Al Gore City
Kilgore, Texas 75662

And our favorites...
Cut and Shoot, Texas 77303
Gun Barrel City , Texas 75147
Ding Dong, Texas
West, Texas (it's in Central Texas)
And , of course,
Mule Shoe , Texas 79347

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Texas;

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas;

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas;

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas;

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas;

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas;

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas;

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas;

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph --you're going 80, and everybody's passing you, you may live in Houston, Texas;

If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly,' you may live in Brownsville, Texas;

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely have lived in Texas.

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas :
1. Port Arthur to El Paso : 889 miles

2. Port Arthur to Chicago : 770 miles
Brownsville to Texline(north of Amarillo): 956 miles
Texline to Canada: 960 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas

4. World's first rodeo was in Pecos, Tx July 4, 1883.

5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike - 2008!

6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston , Texas .

7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America .

8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America 's only remaining flock of whooping cranes.

9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in US history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island.
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was " Houston ," but the Space Center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.

12. The King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island .

13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a US rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979.

14. Texas is the only state to enter the US by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union )instead of by annexation.
This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the US Flag, and Texas may choose to divide into 5 states.

15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.

16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.

17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.

18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington-on-the Brazos, Harrisburg , Galveston , Velasco, West Columbia and Austin .

19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the US which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington , DC (by 7 feet).

20. The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington Monument .

21. The name ' Texas ' comes from the Hasini Indian word 'tejas' meaning "friends". Tejas is NOT Spanish for Texas .

22. The State Mascot is the Armadillo. An interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies.
They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females.

23. The first domed stadium in the US was the Astrodome in Houston.
24. The Beck family ranch land grant is one days ride by horse(25 miles) in each direction from the headquarters.
25. The name of the XIT ranch in Dalhart Texas stands for "ten in texas". That means 10 counties in Texas!

Cowboy Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Farlie , Texas :

(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to church meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
Did y'all git all that?

Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder
and Your hand over my mouth.


























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  #2  
Old 09-15-2013, 11:54 AM
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slickfish slickfish is offline
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God definitely blessed Texas. Then there's la.
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  #3  
Old 09-16-2013, 07:06 AM
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jpeff31787 jpeff31787 is offline
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That's some pretty cool facts!
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  #4  
Old 09-18-2013, 06:29 PM
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duckman1911 duckman1911 is offline
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That was nice bro. The very last two sentences were great and very true
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  #5  
Old 09-24-2013, 07:49 AM
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mr crab mr crab is offline
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Thats why tx is the best state in the union!!!!!!!!
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  #6  
Old 10-02-2013, 12:30 AM
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vittok vittok is offline
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Interesting stuff
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  #7  
Old 10-02-2013, 07:49 AM
kibb kibb is offline
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Was Nemo, the character, really around in '65?
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