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swamp snorkler · #1 02-05-2011, 08:32 AM

1. One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a [/SIZE]
Christmas gift...The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. [/SIZE]
When she asked me why, I replied,"Well, you still haven't used the [/SIZE]
gift I bought you last year!"And that's how the fight started...

2. My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started... [/SIZE]
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[/SIZE][SIZE=2]3. My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]alone at a nearby table.I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]sighed, "He's my old boyfriend...I understand he took to drinking [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]been sober since.""My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]on celebrating that long?"And then the fight started... [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=2]4. When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer...always [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]something more important to me.Finally she thought of a clever way to [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house...I [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]well sweep the driveway." [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=2]5. My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]She asked, "What's on TV?"I said, "Dust."And then the fight started... [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=2]6. Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]bed...I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]husband is out fishing in that?" [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]And that's how the fight started... [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=2]7. My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]in about 3 seconds."I bought her a bathroom scale. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]And then the fight started... [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=2]8. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Social Security . The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]would have to go home, get my wallet and come back later.The woman [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]for me' and she processed my Social Security application.When I got [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Security office... [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]disability, too.'And then the fight started... [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=2]9. My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=2]I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
[/SIZE][SIZE=2]And that’s when the fight started . [/SIZE]