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The Comedy Club (Jokes, Humor) Tell your favorite jokes here! Keep it PG rated, please.

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  #1  
Old 06-06-2013, 08:25 AM
Andy C Andy C is offline
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Default Annual 2012 Stella Awards

They walk among us, breed, and worse yet…VOTE!!!!







For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liebeck...;s_Restaurants



who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico,where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards forthe most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know the kind of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stellas for this past year -- 2012

* SEVENTH PLACE *

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store
(Louis Shanks). The store owners were understandably



surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

Start scratching!

* SIXTH PLACE *

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...

* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence ****son, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for ****son, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when




****son pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish.Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay ****son $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.








Keep



scratching.


...



There are more...

Double head scratching after this one..

* FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbour's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had
climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog witha pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink
was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Only two more so ease up on the scratching...

*SECOND PLACE*

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh,
yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

Ok...



Here we go!!!



Drum roll ...

* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs
. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owners manual that she couldn't actually leave the



driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000
PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
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  #2  
Old 06-06-2013, 08:52 AM
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swamp snorkler swamp snorkler is offline
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This has been going around for years...... http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors...yinamerica.htm
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  #3  
Old 11-17-2013, 03:57 PM
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vittok vittok is offline
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Wow!! Unbelievable!!
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