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The Comedy Club (Jokes, Humor) Tell your favorite jokes here! Keep it PG rated, please.

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  #1  
Old 01-29-2010, 07:30 PM
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Gottogo49 Gottogo49 is offline
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Default An Old Farmer's Advice

“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”

“Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.”

“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”

“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”

“Words that soak into your ears are whispered…....not yelled.”

“Meanness don't just happen overnight.”

“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”

“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”

“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”

“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”

“Every path has a few puddles.”

“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”

“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”

“Most of the stuff people worry about,
ain't never gonna happen anyway.”

“Don 't judge folks by their relatives.

“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”

“Live a good and honorable life, when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.”

“Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”

“Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'..”

“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

“The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”

“Always drink upstream from the herd.”

“Good judgment comes from experience,

and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.”

“Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.”

“If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.”

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”

“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.”

Last edited by Gottogo49; 01-29-2010 at 07:37 PM. Reason: Formatting
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  #2  
Old 01-29-2010, 10:49 PM
eman eman is offline
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Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.”

“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you

Damn, These two are a few of the rules i live by.
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  #3  
Old 01-30-2010, 08:20 AM
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southern151 southern151 is offline
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There is a lot of really great advice in this thread.
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  #4  
Old 01-30-2010, 10:03 AM
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catch.and.fillet catch.and.fillet is offline
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Here's a few more that I've learned to live by as I age...

"Don't ever trust a fart"

"When given a chance to take a piss, take it"

"Learn to live by the Golden Rule - He who has the gold makes the rules"
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