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CatDaddy · #1 09-19-2009, 11:57 PM

"W" STRANDED ON ISLAND

Waltrip finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life until the boat sank.

He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies.. Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, 'Where you come from? How you get here?'

'I rowed over from the other side of the island,' she says. 'I landed here when my cruise ship sank.'

'Dat's amazing,' he says. 'You was really lucky to have a rowboat wash up wit you.'

'Oh, this?' replies the woman. 'I made the rowboat out of raw material found on the island. I whittled the oars from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.'
'But ... but .. dat's impossible,' stutters Waltrip. 'You ain't had no tools or hardware. How you manage dat?'

'Oh, no problem,' replies the woman. 'On the South side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.' "W" is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Waltrip looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he can only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?'

'No, no tank you,' he says, still dazed. 'Can't take no mo of dat coconut juice.'

'It's not coconut juice,' the woman replies. 'I built a still. How about a Pina Colada?'

Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her hand-woven couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.'

No longer questioning anything, Waltrip goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. 'WOW! dis woman is amazing,' he muses, 'what gonna be next?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing 'nothing but vines' strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him,
'We've been out here for a really long time.
I know you've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now,
something you've been longing for all these months.
You know...'

She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing!

'You mean ...', ??he swallows excitedly,

We gonna watch the LSU game from here'?