Punny

[Gottogo49]

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
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I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
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She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
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A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
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No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
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A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.
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A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.
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Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
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A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here, I'll go on a head."
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I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
' Keep off the Grass.'
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The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
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The soldier who survived mustard gas and
pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
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A backward poet writes inverse.
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In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
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When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
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A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The
stewardess looks at him and says,
" I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
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Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, " Dam! "
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, " I've lost my electron."
The other says, " Are you sure?
The first replies, " Yes, I'm positive. "
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
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There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at
least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[swamp snorkler]

pretty good