JOKES!!!!

[Dano]

"W" Most Famous "W"

[killa k]

[SIZE=4]An Aggie leaves College Station to go on vacation in Louisiana and decides he wants a pair of alligator boots but is reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.

"I'll just catch my own alligator," he tells one shopkeeper," so I can get a pair of boots for free."

He stomps out of the store and heads for the swamp.

Later, as the shopkeeper drives home, he spots the Aggie standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.

He takes aim and shoots the creature between the eyes. The shopkeeper watches in amazement as he struggles to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators are lined up.

"Oh, no," the Aggie shouts in dismay. "This one isn't wearing any boots either!"
[/SIZE]

[Big Flounder]

*Little Johnny Meets Barack Obama*

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and visiting one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy..'

So our illustrious President asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy.'

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Obama, "that would be an accident"

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.'

"I'm afraid not," explained Obama. "That's what we would call a great loss.."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered.

Obama searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Obama. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'

"Well," says Little Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss...and it probably wouldn't be an accident either.."

[Big_Country]

that was freakin hilarious... got any more? : *****:

[Big Flounder]

Originally Posted by TheToledoBendBomber

that was freakin hilarious... got any more? : *****:

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles.
“OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?”
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know ****?”